Stories: A Perfect Christmas

When I first came to My Friend's Place, as far as I was concerned, I was just there for the chemical dependency treatment. I thought, "Domestic
violence is not me. I'm middle class, I have my own home and business."

I knew I had a problem with alcohol and drugs. With my job, I used to work with celebrities in Hollywood and party with them. My husband drank and did drugs, too. But nobody pushes me around and I didn't consider myself to be any kind of victim. I went to the support groups because it was part of the program.

Copyright CORBIS About a month after I got there, I was sitting in a group talking about whether or not to sell my house and about my relationship with my husband. I was telling them how I worked really hard to make sure that everyone would be able to see that I had this perfect life. I made sure Christmas was perfect. I didn't let my kids decorate the Christmas tree because I wanted the bulbs to be arranged perfectly so that when people came over they'd see a perfect Christmas tree. When we went out in public, I wanted everything to be perfect.

The group leader asked me what was happening that made me want to create this perfect life. And then it started to spill out. I started talking about my husband--how he yelled at me, told me that I was ugly and a bitch and that no one really liked me. We would get into fights and he would go around and break things. I love to do crafts and I had made this really beautiful teapot. He threw it against the wall and broke it--I was devastated. Another time he threw full beer cans at my head and I had to jump out of the way. I turned around and saw a huge dent in the wall right behind my head. It was frightening. I felt like I had to work that much harder to prove that I was a good person, to make it look like everything was fine. I realized all of a sudden that I was living in constant fear and I started crying. I didn't have black eyes or broken bones, but I was still a victim of domestic violence.

My kids were effected, too. When they came into shelter they were really angry--kicking, spitting, fighting, running from room to room. They had all this anxiety because of the way things were at home--the fear and uncertainty--and I didn't even realize it.

Copyright CORBIS We spent Christmas at the shelter and we had the best Christmas tree ever--because my kids did it. I sat and watched them decorate the tree for the first time, stringing popcorn, putting things all over the place. It was great. When we left, the kids were changed. They had been to counseling and children's groups. They walked out of the door--they didn't run.

I've rebuilt my life with the help of EDVP. It's been three years, and I'm working and doing domestic violence education in the community. I've learned that by accepting what happened to me, I gained the power to change my life.