Stories: Patricia's Secret

Patricia was protective of her secret, not trusting others to accept her as she was. And she'd had her fears bitterly confirmed when her partner revealed that secret and, as she thought at the time, ruined Patricia's life.

Patricia is a lesbian. She was a very successful, high-placed manager and liked her job, but it came with a price: she knew that the organization she worked for did not accept homosexuality. So she got used to hiding that part of her life from her employer, fearful that if they ever found out, she would lose her livelihood.

Patricia was also the victim of an abusive partner, someone who threatened her physically and attempted to control every aspect of her life. Patricia eventually made the difficult decision to leave the relationship, but this sent her partner into a rage. The threats escalated to the point where Patricia had to call the police. Then her nightmare came true: as revenge, her partner contacted Patricia's employer and "outed" her. Patricia lost her job.

When she contacted EDVP, she was looking for emotional help, but her bad experiences had made her wary. Because her former partner is active in social services for gays, Patricia didn't feel as if she could turn to that community. She decided to call the EDVP crisis line, but she tested the advocate who answered. She waited until well into the conversation before revealing her sexual orientation, to see if that would affect how EDVP would help her.

EDVP is committed to helping people in any abusive relationship, regardless of lifestyle. The advocate encouraged Patricia to join an EDVP support group, where it would be her choice whether to talk about the gender of her partner.

Patricia joined the group. After a few sessions, she felt comfortable enough to reveal her lifestyle to the group. The other members were very supportive and with the emotional help that the group provided, Patricia went on to reenter her field and get an excellent job.

As she told us: "Being gay made me different from the other women in the group. But having an abusive partner made me the same."