Stories: Gary's Story

"Wife beating." "Battered wife." Although many people think of domestic violence as something that happens to women, it can happen with any couple in any relationship.

Gary was a gay man in a violent relationship. His partner, Luke, was extremely dangerous and Gary had sustained numerous injuries. Sometimes victims of domestic violence can confide in the medical professional who treats them. But Gary was terrified that if he talked to the doctor, Luke might kill him--literally.

As in many domestic violence situations, Gary had no access to his own paycheck. His salary was deposited directly in the bank and Luke would transfer the funds immediately to a different account. Trying to make any change to this arrangement could incite Luke into even more violence.

A gay man can have particular problems finding help. There are no shelters for gay men who are being battered. Gay victims often don't see that the police are available a resource. And in this case, Gary was sure that a protection order would mean nothing to his violent partner.

But he was desperate. He had seen an EDVP brochure and the description of domestic violence hit home. So finally, he called the EDVP crisis line.

Gary's situation was a difficult one for which EDVP doesn't yet have a lot of answers. The advocate concentrated on safety planning and helped Gary devise a way out. He would get an advance on his paycheck and go live with his mother, who was willing to help him financially.

"It was just incredible. There were incredible barriers," the crisis line advocate says. "He just did not know where else to turn. I'm glad he turned to us."