Stories: False Dreams

When I first met David, he was a funny, warm, caring guy. We met at the office where I was working and right away he charmed me. He'd come by my desk and talk to me, crack jokes, ask me about my job, stuff like that.

We had this whirlwind romance and he proposed to me after just a couple of months. I had always dreamed about a beautiful wedding and having a perfect marriage, so I was thrilled. Maybe I should have known early on that there was another side to David, because he wanted to just go off and have a quiet wedding with no guests. I tried talking to him about how I wanted my family and friends there, but he got very cold and said some nasty things about my plans. I thought, well, the wedding isn't just for me alone, so we went ahead and had a quick ceremony. It was nice enough and David seemed really happy.

Right away he wanted me to quit my job. I said no, I liked my job. He got incredibly angry and started shouting at me about how it wasn't a discussion, I just had to quit, now. I was shocked. The next morning he told me I couldn't go to work and he sat right next to me and made me call my boss and explain to him that I wanted to quit. They wanted me to work for another week because it was so sudden. For that last week, David took me to work and picked me up every day. Some of my work friends wanted to take me to lunch on my last day, but David said no, so that was that.

That was the beginning. There were times when David would still be a really nice guy and laugh and we would go out and do things like go to a movie. But something would come up, like I would say something he didn't like, or maybe even just there would be a traffic jam, and David would kind of blow up. It was like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde, one moment a nice guy and the next moment this monster who was screaming.

I tried really hard to make sure I didn't do anything to make him mad. I was so happy to be married at first, and I thought that if I just tried hard enough, I could make a nice home where David and I could be happy together. When he was in a good mood, I could make myself believe that we had a good relationship and I would dream about the future.

Copyright CORBIS I remember the first time he hit me, about three months after we were married. I was talking on the phone to my sister, and David came in from outside and yelled at me "Who is that!?" I told him it was my sister and he told me to get off the phone. I guess I wasn't quick enough, though. I just barely had time to say "I have to go!" when he yanked the phone out of my hand and slammed it down, and then he slapped me across the head, back and forth. It was like being a kid again, when Dad would whack us when he got mad.

The problem was that it got worse. It got so practically anything would set him off and he started hitting me more and more. At first he would slap me, but later he punched me sometimes, like a fight. I had black eyes a couple of times, and I wouldn't even go out to get the mail because I didn't want anyone to see me like that.

I ended up dropping all my friends. David also really hated it when I talked to my sister. He'd look over the phone bills every month, checking to see if I'd called her. Between having no job and being frightened of David if I talked to anyone, I was cut off from everybody I knew from before I met him.

And there was the sex. He never took no for an answer, I mean never. If I didn't want to, he'd basically rape me. I suppose he probably wouldn't call it that because I didn't actually try to fight him off, but if rape is having sex against your will, then he raped me a lot.

After four years, there was one incident that was the last straw. I was cooking and David decided that dinner was late and started shouting like usual. He started slapping me and then he took a frying pan right off the stove and hit me with it. He would have hit me in the face with this hot frying pan, but I put my arm up. It protected my face, but I got a huge burn on the outside of my arm.

That was the moment that the scales fell from my eyes, when I finally realized how much David was willing to hurt me. I ran out of the house and went to the neighbors' and called the police. The police came and they took me to the emergency room, where the people took pictures of my arm. I told them what had happened, and the police told me about domestic violence and EDVP.

The EDVP people were like angels from heaven. They helped me get a protection order that got David out of the house and away from me.

They invited me to join a support group where we talked about what had happened to us. I told them about David and his moods and how he would get mad, and they understood so well. It was so great to be able to talk to people at last about this. After losing my friends and practically losing my sister, there was no one to talk to who would understand about my life with David.

The other members of the support group listened and they helped me let go of the false dreams I'd had about David and my marriage. I recently filed for divorce and am starting to rebuild my life. It's hard sometimes to stop being frightened and to realize that I can be on my own again, but every time the support group meets, I get a little stronger.