individual to establish and maintain coercive control over his intimate partner. Domestic violence consists of physical, sexual, psychological, and/or emotional abuse. Abusive partners often use tactics described in this wheel. The tactics used are compounded when physical violence is also involved. Please note that this is not an exhaustive list of tactics and they do not apply to everyone. For more information on abusive tactics and about the pattern of control exhibited by batterers, please view the Cycle of Violence page.

Adapted from the Domestic Violence Intervention Project, Duluth, MN.

Minimizing, Denying and Blaming

• Making light of the abuse
• Not taking her concerns seriously
• Denying that the abuse occurred
• Saying that she caused the abuse
• Blaming an outside event or situation for the abuse (loss of employment, drugs or alcohol, an argument, etc.)
  

Intimidation

• Making her afraid by using looks, actions or gestures
• Smashing things
• Destroying property
• Destroying her personal belongings
• Abusing pets
• Displaying weapons
• Hiding or destroying important papers (passports, ID cards, health care cards, etc.)
• Threatening to “out” the other person
• Driving recklessly

Emotional Abuse

• Putting her down
• Lying about her immigration status
• Making her feel bad about herself
• Making her think that she is crazy
• Playing mind games
• Humiliating her
• Making her feel guilty or responsible for the abuse
• Constantly criticizing her parenting skills
• Focusing on her insecurities, such as her weight or education level
• Encouraging the children to participate in the belittling of their mother
• Lying to her
• Cheating on her

Isolation

• Controlling what activities she is involved in
• Limiting who she sees and talks to
• Using jealousy to justify the isolation
• Not allowing her to drive or have access to a vehicle
• Not allowing her to learn English
• Isolating her from friends and family
• Moving away from friends and family
• Not allowing her to have contact with people who speak her language
• Threatening friends or family members so that they may be reluctant to have contact with her

Using Children

• Making her feel guilty about the children
• Criticizing her parenting skills
• Refusing to pay child support
• Using children to relay messages
• Using visitation to harass her
• Threatening to take the children away
• Threatening to move out of the country with the children
• Threatening to call CPS or INS
• Threatening to harm the children
• Teaching the children to disrespect their mother
• Constantly undermining her authority with the children
• Physically abusing the children
• Not taking proper care of the children during visitation

Using Male Privilege

• Treating her like a servant
• Making all of the decisions for the family
• Being the one to define both men’s and women’s roles
• Expected to be treated with a level of respect that he does not return
• Quoting sources such as the Bible to justify his actions

Economic Abuse

• Preventing her from getting or keeping a job
• Making her ask for money
• Taking all of her money
• Giving her an allowance
• Making her account for every penny that she spends
• Not letting her have access to the family income
• Acquiring great amounts of debt
• Refusing to pay child support
• Not allowing her to complete job training classes
• Forcing her to do illegal work

Coercion and Threats

• Threats to kill
• Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt her
• Threatening to leave her
• Threatening to commit suicide
• Threatening to take the children
• Making her do illegal things
• Threatening to report her to the INS
• Promising that the abuse will never happen again
• Threatening to “out” her to family and employer

Sexual Abuse

• Forcing her to engage in sexual activity
• Refusing to wear a condom
• Withholding sexual attention from her
• Forcing her into pornography
• Forcing her into prostitution
• Making her feel guilty if she does not want to have sex
• Normalizing the abuse, which can be especially confusing if it is the victim’s first sexual relationship

Using Physical Violence

• Pushing
• Slapping
• Pulling hair
• Kicking
• Punching
• Grabbing
• Using weapons
• Not allowing her sleep
• Not allowing her access to medical attention
• Not allowing her access to medication
• Not allowing her access to food
• Strangulation
• Hurting her while she is pregnant

If you need assistance or if you have questions,
call our 24-hour crisis line
425-746-1940 or 1-800-827-8840
(V/TTY available 8am-5pm)

---

© 2000-2003 Eastside Domestic Violence Program