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of one person becoming angry and “losing control”.
Now we know that abuse is actually a way that a person
attempts to gain control over his intimate partner.
Abuse can take many forms.
Examples of Abuse –
Please note that this list does not encompass all
types or tactics of abuse but provides a variety of
examples. Also, it is not necessary for you to identify
with several of the examples in order to be in an unsafe
situation.
Psychological/Emotional Abuse:
- Jokes, insults
- Ignores feelings
- Withholding approval as punishment
- Put downs of your roles or abilities
- Name calling
- Repeated insults, labeling
- Private humiliation
- Blaming you for the faults or circumstances of
the abuser
- Degrading or controlling your choices (clothing,
food etc.)
- Demanding of all attention
- Resentful of children
- Threats against the marriage
- Threats of outing a partner
- Sends mixed signals
- Lack of cause and effect between actions and consequences
- Unpredictable consequences of actions
- Claims to forget abusive incidents or denies they
occurred
- Questions your sense of reality
- Causes you to question sense of reality
- Minimizes or denies abuse
- Veiled threats
- Threats against or to take children
- Threats to harm you
- Suicide
Social/Environmental Abuse:
- Uses gender “myths” and “roles”
(society reinforces these)
- Degrades culture, religion, nationality, profession,
gender, and/or sexual orientation
- Uses culture, religion, nationality, profession,
gender, and/or sexual identity to maintain control
- Destroys/damages items belonging to you
- Shows of strength
- Controls major decisions
- Controls money/finances
- Falsely tells you that you are the one in control
all of the time
- Threats of outing a partner
- Makes you economically dependent
- Tracks you or monitors your activities and/or whereabouts
- Denies your ability to work/gets you fired
- Limits your outside activities
- Threatens to hurt your extended family/friends
- Eliminates support system
- Alienates your family/friends
- Threatens deportation
- Practices child abuse or incest
- Destroys/maims/hurts a family pet
- Tells you that you are hysterical, paranoid, psychotic,
mentally ill, suicidal/homicidal
- Suicide
Physical Abuse:
- Throwing household items
- Grabbing, pushing, shoving, shaking
- Pulling hair
- Jerking, slapping, biting, pinching
- Bruising
- Hitting, punching, kicking
- Targeted hitting
- Use of household objects as weapons
- Throwing you
- Restraining you
- Restraining while hitting or punching
- Physical abuse during pregnancy
- Deprivation (food, sleep, medical needs, etc.)
- Strangulation /Hands around your neck
- Lacerations/Cutting you
- Imprisonment
- Broken bones, internal injury
- Threats or use of conventional weapons, such as
guns or knives
- Disabling, disfiguring permanent injury
- Murder
Sexual Abuse:
- Sexual jokes or demeaning remarks toward your sex
- Name calling, sexual labels
- Criticizing/Demeaning/Questioning your sexuality
- Ignoring sexual needs
- Demanding monogamy from you, while insisting on
freedom for self
- Jealousy, assumes you will be with others sexually
- Humiliation
- Unwanted/forced touching
- Justification of unwanted sexual acts
- Labeling sexual abuse as consensual behavior
- Forced to look at/engage in pornography
- Demanding sex with threats
- Forced sexual acts
- Coerced/demanding sex following pregnancy/surgery
- Rape, forced sex, sex against your will
If you need assistance or if you have questions,
call our 24-hour crisis line
425-746-1940 or 1-800-827-8840
(V/TTY available 8am-5pm)
©
2000-2003 Eastside Domestic Violence Program |
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Abuse is a pattern of hurtful
behavior that one partner in an intimate relationship uses to control the other. In the past it was believed that abuse was the
