EDVP About Domestic Violence: For Parents of Teens

Teens Need Adults To:

Listen
Model strength, openness, trust, and cooperation
Respect intelligence
Value teens’ fears
Respect teen desire to be independent
Provide a clear, understandable conceptual framework to aid in problem solving
Provide options
Prevent rudeness, judging (especially about appearance), lecturing, attitudes of disrespect
Emphasize local community information, services, and networks
Understand systematic mistreatment that young people receive in this adult-defined world and correct that mistreatment
Avoid victim blaming statements
Avoid reaffirming sex-role stereotypes
Believe in the severity of the abuse
Acknowledge the role of power and control in abusive relationships, and how authority figures can replicate that role.
Validate the victim’s concerns

Unique Aspects of Teen Dating Violence Relationships:

Teens resist seeking help from parents and other adults, especially authority figures. Fear of losing their newly gained independence can deter a teen from accessing resources.
Lack of experience in dating relationships makes teens more susceptible to gender stereotypes.
Romanticized ideals about relationships and love may cause teens to confuse jealousy, possessiveness, and abuse with signs of love and affection.
Lack of experience and peer group norms make it difficult for a victim to judge if his/her partner’s behavior is out of line. Isolation can make it even more difficult to do a “reality check.”
Relationships are frequently perceived as very significant by teens. Although they may be shorter in length, they can be experienced as intensely as adult relationships.
Teenage women are vulnerable because of the double standard of sexual morality for women and the resulting fear of a “bad reputation” among peers.*
Peer intervention can end or escalate a relationship. Many aspects of peer intervention may ultimately increase the risk to the victim.
The victim is often unable to avoid the abuser because they attend the same school.
Many adults do not take teen relationships seriously, discounting them as “puppy love” or over-dramatized.

Adapted from The Curriculum Project: The Minnesota Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

*Denise Gamache (74) in Barrie Levy’s Dating Violence - Young Women in Danger.