amount of time in the relationship, with the total cycle taking from a few hours to a year or more to complete. Emotional abuse is present in all three stages.

A person does not need to have experienced the following behaviors to be in an abusive relationship. These are some examples of abusive behaviors. There are many more not listed.

 

Batterer may: Partner may: Phase 1: Tension Building Phase Pick fights Act jealous & possessive Criticize, threaten Drink, use drugs Be moody, unpredictable Be crazy-making Feel like she’s walking on eggshells Try to reason with the batterer Try to calm the batterer Try to appease the batterer Keep silent, try to keep children quiet Feel afraid or anxious Phase 2: Crisis Phase Verbal Abuse Sexual Assault Physical Abuse Increase control over money Restrain partner Destroy property, phone Emotionally Assault Experience fear, shock Protects self & children Use self-defense Call for help Try to flee, leave Pray for it to stop Do what is necessary to survive Phase 3: Calmer Phase Ask for forgiveness Promise it won’t happen again Stop drinking, using drugs Go to counseling Be affectionate Initiate intimacy Minimize or deny abuse Forgive Return home Arrange for counseling Feel hopeful Feel manipulated Blame self Minimize or deny abuse

Adapted from L. Walker, The Battered Woman, Harper and Row, New York, 1980. © 2000-2003 Eastside Domestic Violence Program